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Cheating hearts: Why Feb. 13 is 'Mistress Day'
By JOANNE RICHARD, QMI Agency
CANOE - Lifewise Updated: addthis

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, Last Updated: 2:30 PM ET


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Wives, take note: If he's out Feb. 13, an affair may be brewing. And, girlfriends: If he's not available Feb. 14, he's likely married. (Fotolia)

    Think your spouse is having an affair?

    Well, catch 'em if you can! February is prime time to snag a cheater, says infidelity expert Stephany Alexander.

    And according to Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, relationship expert and author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin, more than 50% of marriages experience infidelity.

    "Husbands or wives who suspect their mates of infidelity should be on the alert because cheating mates tend to meet their lovers a day or two before Valentine's Day for a sexual tryst," says Alexander, based in Arizona, adding that Feb. 13 is officially dubbed 'Mistress Day.'

    "Super sneaky husbands may even celebrate Valentine's Day with their mistresses up to a week early or late when they can get away on a business trip so their lover can meet them for an extended period of time," adds Alexander, of Womansavers.com and author of The Cheat Sheet, A Clue-by-Clue Guide to Finding Out if He's Unfaithful.


    Wives, take note: If he's out Feb. 13, an affair may be brewing.

    And, girlfriends: If he's not available Feb. 14, he's likely married.

    According to Noel Biderman, president of infidelity service Ashleymadison.com, since most men can't use "I have to work late" on Valentine's Day, mistresses get their gifts a day early: 79% of cheaters surveyed plan to spend Feb. 13 with their mistress and the Feb. 14 with their wife.

    Biderman says if he's cheating, the mistress will come out on top -- men spend over three times the amount on their mistresses than on their wives.

    A recent survey of 1,110 Canadian members of Ashleymadison.com reveals that cheating men spend a whopping $165 on his mistress and a measly $55 on his wife.

    It's thorns versus thongs: The most popular gifts for a wife are flowers; his lover gets sexy lingerie. Dinner or chocolates are also popular gifts for a spouse, while jewelry or romantic getaways are the mistress' domain.

    According Biderman, 67% of men say they feel "obligated" to spend money on their wives for the special holiday, while only 13% feel that obligation for their mistress -- 71% are "genuinely happy" to do so.

    "With affair partners, they feel they can buy something less practical and just fun and special and no risk of being criticized for the amount spent," says Biderman. "We have also learned that the main reason men would buy a luxurious gift for their wife is to take away some of the guilt they may have at that time."

    Guilt gifts are common, says New York infidelity therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, but so too are sensible gifts. When husbands give wives unromantic gifts like boring kitchen appliances, "the sizzle has definitely fizzled. He looks at you as more of a mother than a lover. You're like a worn-out shoe."

    Couples not continually refuelling the honeymoon stage risk one partner indulging in a "thrill-seeking, stress-busting, self-medicating high" -- 70% of men cheat, while 65% of women do, says Eaker Weil, of Doctorbonnie.com

    Many of the male clients who seek therapy for their infidelity report not buying their spouse a gift or even a card for Valentine's Day because of anger, resentment and disappointment, reports Eaker Weil, author of Infidelity: The Forgivable Sin.

    It's not coming up roses for either mistress or wife. Ex-mistress-turned-warrior-mistress Susan Symonds is out to crush these cheap philandering narcissists.

    Symonds has made it her life's mission to steer "other women" off the heart-breaking affair path and help sisters of the mistress-hood break free with Mistressesanonymous.com

    "Every woman I hear from is in despair over her affair," says Symonds, a professional mistress for 15 years, although she won't reveal how many affairs she had.

    "The wives always get better gifts," says Symonds, who admits to getting jewelry and even a car once from a rich lover. But, she says, ultimately mistresses come up empty-handed in every way.

    The British relationship and infidelity analyst was recently in Toronto and Vancouver to host a series of workshops for women trapped in toxic affairs. She is also on the hunt for scorned mistresses to cast in her upcoming Canadian reality show to air in the fall on Slice TV.

    "Who knew there was so much infidelity in Canada," she says.

    There is no shortage of cheaters, reports Ashleymadison.com -- the day after Valentine's Day is one of biggest days for new signups.

    "People are disappointed by their spouses' lack of effort, and they feel especially undervalued when there is a societal expectation of romance on a holiday such as Valentine's Day," says Biderman.

    A big spike in membership also comes right after the Christmas holidays, reports Biderman. A December Ashleymadison.com survey of 1,900 actively cheating husbands reveals that they spend five times more on their mistresses than wives for Christmas; 34% of men are more likely to buy their mistress diamonds than their wife, and four times more likely to buy their wives household items.

    Stunning numbers

    Infidelity service Ashleymadison.com reports membership spikes across North America in 2011:

    -- First working day after New Year's: 202% increase over daily signups, 24,237

    -- Feb. 15: 258% increase over daily signups, 28,672

    -- Mother's Day: 1,404% increase in female daily signups, 60,183

    -- Father's Day: 417% increase in male daily signups, 31,074

    Cheating ways

    Catch a cheater with these red flags from Stephany Alexander, infidelity expert and author of Sex, Lies and the Internet - An Online Dating Survival Guide.

    -- Schedules a last-minute business trip near Valentine's Day or a holiday.

    -- Has little or no appetite for dinner because he already ate earlier with his mistress.

    -- Your calls go through to voicemail for long periods of times because he is with his mistress.

    -- Unusual credit card charges or cash withdrawal near holiday date.

    -- Defensive or argumentative behaviour due to guilty feelings from cheating.

    Have you ever cheated on a partner?

    This story was posted on Mon, February 4, 2013

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