Experts agree that familiarity, resentments, disappointments over time subdue passion and erode intimacy. (Shutterstock.com)

Live happily - and hot – ever after!

Easier said than done. Face it, keeping the sex sizzling in a long-term relationship is hard work.

Life’s daily grind definitely takes its toll. The business of family and career often extinguishes that special spark.

Soon couples are living as roommates, not soul mates. “People are overworked, overtired and they just don’t take the time to have sex - or give it the time and atmosphere to do it right,” says Dr. Pepper Schwartz.


 The kiss of death: “They stop trying to seduce and intrigue each other,” says the celebrated relationship expert and sociology professor.

Experts agree that familiarity, resentments, disappointments over time subdue passion and erode intimacy. It’s natural for the “hot” experience to fade. And that’s when the effort, work and discipline need to kick in.

According to Dr. Rick Kirschner, “overcommitted, overscheduled and over-stimulated, real life romance is undermined and underappreciated by people in a rush.

“Love takes time, and you’ve got to make time for love or, instead of getting lucky with your sweetie, you may just run out of luck,” says Kirschner, of theartofchange.com.

Spontaneity is a turn on, he says, but only when you create some breathing room in your life for it to occur. “Whether it’s a weekly or monthly date night, a romantic weekend or a staycation, plan for a time to be spontaneous,” he adds.

Love is about choice, not chance. And, sadly, lust doesn’t last. “We thrive on newness, mystery, becoming closer and novelty in bed - this is all hard to keep up over time,” says Schwartz. “In a good relationship, it is replaced with friendly, sensual sexuality that sometimes becomes passionate. In a bad relationship, sex becomes so boring that it becomes irregular, then rare, then absent,” adds Schwartz, chief relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com.


 Sex often becomes a chore for many couples, but it doesn’t have to be that way. “If it’s done at the end of a long, tiring day, when one would rather just curl up and read or go to sleep, having sex becomes a duty or just a release and not making love. Being well rested, happy, even excited in general are ingredients to a great bedroom connection. “But sex gets pushed into the least rested and least prime hours of the day - and then it feels like work.”


 Couples need time for fun, play, surprising each other and having adventures together. It’s detrimental to the relationship not to have lazy days together to talk about life, who they’ve become and how they are feeling.

“Couples often wait for crises before they really talk and by then they may have grown so far apart that they would rather discuss issues with friends than each other,” adds Schwartz.


Keep things hot with these tips from Dr. Pepper Schwartz, chief relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com:

Don’t forget to keep having fun together. Your children are just one shared interest. Do something fun and intimate - travel, a hobby, learn a language.

Have at least one date night a week – make an effort by dressing up.

Stay healthy and at a reasonable weight. Exercise together, go on nutritional programs together.

Take time every day to check in. Have a time during the weekend that is just about talking about feelings, worries and dreams.

Stay physical with one another. Hold hands when you are out. Stay affectionate. Kiss when you see each other. Hug before bedtime.

“Make love at least one a week, never less than once every couple weeks,” says Schwartz. If you’re not at all affectionate and sexual with one another, go see a counselor and get things back on track.