Dirty talk: Delve deeper into the language of lust

(Courtesy of apops/Fotolia.com)

(Courtesy of apops/Fotolia.com)

John Drake, Special to QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 4:36 PM ET

Opening the lines of sexual communication with your partner, whether you've known them for a year, a week, or since that second round of mojitos at TGIFriday's, could start simply with a few positive reassurances, "I like it when..." or "I like how you.."

The truth is, however, that men in general, and myself in particular, have no idea how to speak to women in such a manner.

In fact, whenever I've been actively participating in the act of carnal relations with a woman and have been asked to 'talk dirty,' I imagine the reaction on my face is somewhat akin to a friendly doe caught in the headlights: fear, shock and uncertainty.

If we happen to find ourselves in the enviable position of being past the point of no return, we don't want to screw it up. We are clueless as to what words or phrases will be the secret passwords that may part the heavenly gates to the holiest of temples amid moans of ecstasy, or conversely, will result in getting our faces slapped and egos bruised while putting our pants back on.

A new research study published in BioMed Central's Biology of Sex Differences suggests there are scientifically proven physiological reasons why men and women see the world through different eyes. The male hormone androgen assists with the processing of images and development of neurons in the visual cortex. The fact that men have 25% more androgen means we have a higher sensitivity to fine detail while women are far better at discriminating between differences in colour.

This makes sense to me since men see the world through an eight pack of Crayola crayons while women can easily decipher between turquoise and aquamarine.

Men often only require the sight of a coin being dropped into a vending machine or the scrambled, shadowy outline of a bare breast on late night television (this was before the Interweb) to reach a level of stimulation suitable for foreplay. Piquing a woman's interest however, generally speaking, often requires more context and comfort in knowing why she is in fact the object of her partner's desire.

Lynne Stanton, author of Dirty Talk: Speak the Language of Lust, recommends starting with simple phrases: "Do you want me?" "Do you want to touch me there?" "Do you want to be inside me?"

This is your domain, m'lady. If you wish to receive verbal cues or encouragement, you may need to take the lead. So what are some ways you can talk the talk without getting shown the door?

Step 1: Stanton suggests the process can even start solo. "The best way to ease into dirty talking with a partner is to talk dirty alone. As silly as it sounds, you've got to start by saying some naughty words when you're by yourself." Exploring your personal boundaries is no different than exploring your own body.

Step 2: Sending provocative texts or e-mails can ease direction of the conversation into this arena and build anticipation for the next time you see each other.

Step 3: Asking what your partner likes in a gentle and seductive manner is hot; barking out demands in the same tone you scold them for not taking out the trash is most certainly not.

Step 4: Respect is key. Anytime you are exploring new areas of your relationship, it is important to keep an open mind.

Regardless of your comfort level, opening the lines of communication in the bedroom will lead to a more mutually satisfying and intimate sexual relationship.

Follow John Drake on Twitter @John_D_Drake or contact him at Mr.John.Drake@gmail.com


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