Last week in Sex Files, my worthy opponent Kristy Brownlee made a fuzzy argument against male body hair.
“There aren’t many chicks who want to make out with a man who looks like Hulk Hogan or Chewbacca,” she wrote, and — with the exception of Hulk and the video that proves it — she’s right. Lots of women find male hair gross, stinky or scary.
I used to, too. I was 12.
Then, sometime when I wasn’t looking, it grew on me. Stubble? Sexy. Chest hair? Let me touch it. The rest? It makes me feel less hairy, and I like that. It keeps him a toasty temperature for ideal winter snuggles. Rubbing up against it like a cat on a scratching post feels good.
Lots of women agree with me, so furry fellows out there should relax and let their hair down.
For Carey, a 29-year-old from Calgary, “body hair is just not a make or break.” Her man — “pretty hairy, except on his head” — waxes his back, but not at her request. “It’s not natural, and natural beauty is one of the most beautiful things,” says Carey.
Other ladies aren’t just indifferent, they love scruff. Ever since Toronto’s Antonella, 29, had a Ryan Gosling-based “aha moment,” she’s loved everything about facial hair. “Men look better with beards, it’s that simple,” she says. “I urge all my reluctant friends and boyfriends to grow facial hair.”
Antonella even runs NHLbeardoff.tumblr.com, a blog dedicated to hunky hockey beards. She’s currently uploading a new batch of impressive lockout beards.
But this is all anecdotal and we mustache mavens are rare. Stats often —but not always — find clean-shaven is the Jersey Shore look de jour. Body hair on both sexes is currently out of vogue, hence the multibillion dollar industry of lasers, trendy sugar waxes and whatever that No! No! gadget is.
Maybe it’s just me, but a couples’ waxing date is the opposite of sexy.
The flip side of fashion, however, is that it’s always changing. Similar studies from the 1970s found women were most attracted to light beards (in bell bottoms, I assume). Ditto for 2008 findings that found Brad Pitt’s trendy stubble (masculine but not too masculine, beard potential evident) to be the new fave. And as usual, context is key: Askmen.com found 76% of women love chest hair.
As such, I don’t believe in surveys, but I do believe in science. It's simple: More hair equals more testosterone equals sexual aggression equals bedroom good times. Higher testosterone levels — linked with lower blood pressure, reduced risk of heart attack, improved immune function and smaller waistlines — means health and vitality to my female brain.
And just as men find ovulating women more attractive, making their testosterone levels surge, fertile women prefer more masculine men.
Can’t argue with science, people. Better to just embrace your bushy boyfriend, especially in the name of fundraising for Movember.
Though Zoosk.com found 22% of women think moustaches look awful, they also found 21% think they’re sexy, but most important, 63% appreciate their dudes showing support for a good cause.
And come Dec. 1, three-quarters of men will either keep growing or shave it all off, depending on what their lady likes best. A very good plan, and I think all the ladies can agree on that.
Did You Know?
At Zoosk.com, Canadian men and women picked an identical list of top ‘staches: Johnny Depp, Tom Selleck, Sean Connery, Burt Reynolds and Hulk Hogan.
Where do you stand on men's body and facial hair? Here's a recap of our live chat from last week