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This New Year's Eve, have a one nighter.
OK, allow me to explain. This one-nighter has absolutely nothing to do with picking up a stranger for a night of no-strings-attached sex. Instead, I am talking about making this New Year's resolutions stick. For one night, anyhow.
Trying to set the stage for an entire year with lofty lists promising to drop the extra pounds, kick the nicotine habit, shop less, save more and become a better, more charitable person, well, it's just too much to bite off all at once when the ball drops at the strike of midnight, don't ya think?
So, to fuel our deep-rooted desires of feeling successful and feed our love of instant gratification, I am suggesting we take a few tiny nibbles out of those dreamy resolution lists with a plan to stay true to them for an entire evening.
Surely we can stick to our guns until Auld Lang Syne starts playing over the speaker system, no? Yes, we really can start a fresh, new year without feeling like a failure, so cheers to us!
Toronto-based psychotherapist Kimberly Moffit says setting one-night resolutions can help form new habits that will also benefit the rest of the year - especially when it comes to great sex.
"If we resolve to do something for one night, it helps take some of the pressure off," she says. "You can't have great sex every night ... but you can do it for one night."
"New Year’s resolutions often target longstanding habits in areas such as health, lifestyle and personal finance," says Julia Spaniol, assistant professor in Ryerson University's Department of Psychology.
"We generally underestimate how difficult it is to change these behaviours. When we first make a resolution we focus our attention on the goal – the 'ideal self' that we hope to become. The effort associated with the goal - going to the gym, saying no to junk food, resisting impulse purchases - is simply not something we think about at first. Once we are back in the post-holiday routine, however, immediate gratification tends to win out over long-term goal achievement."
Rather than writing down a laundry list of improvements you want to make, Spaniol suggests trimming it down significantly.
"Practically speaking, this means that you should not make multiple resolutions this New Year’s because it is difficult enough to stick to even a single one," she says.
Achieve your goals by whipping up an easy plan, advises Moffit.
"We all want romance to be spontaneous but it often isn't," she says.
"For women, I recommend wearing some pretty lingerie and making it a surprise. Wear your hair a different way because men are very visual. Women, we like to be wooed with flowers and poetry. One of the most romantic things you can do is tell your partner honestly how you feel about them. Sum up how you've enjoyed the relationship throughout the year, write it down - it takes 10 minutes and you can share it at the stroke of midnight."
For singles, bust out your inner flirt, sure, but remember alcohol clouds judgement and you don't want to begin 2011 by rolling over and finding some boozy-smelling dude whose name you don't remember snoring in your bed beside you, do you?
Kim Switnicki, sex and intimacy coach for women, suggests showing some romantic restraint.
"If you're single, try limiting yourself to an intense kissing or make-out session at midnight with a delicious looking 'potential' date," she says.
"Make decisions about going further after you've perhaps gone for a post-New Year's coffee or lunch. No regrets and they will have seen or felt the potential for delights to come."
Meanwhile, a warning for those in relationships - drinking too many spirits can be be a sexy mood crusher.
There's nothing hot about engaging in sloppy drunk sex, so if you're planning to get busy later, limit your alcohol intake, she advises.
"Worse case scenario, one of you passes out," says Moffit with a laugh.
"Go home at a reasonable time. You might've had a few but not too many and that way no one's tired or sloppy."
Resolve to get along:
Calling all couples that nitpick and scrap a lot ... vow to make New Year's Eve fight-free.
"Try to leave your issues at the door," advises psychotherapist Kimberly Moffit.
"Maybe talk about them the night before and try and get some of the stuff out of the way - especially if there are things looming. Prepare yourself to have a wonderful time. You might be tempted to get into a fight, especially when there's alcohol involved, so take a timeout. Just go to the bathroom and tell yourself arguing will only make the night worse and remind yourself that you're going to have a wonderful time."
For quick and easy tips on finding relationship peace and improving your communication skills in 2011, check out the user-friendly book, Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing up or Giving in, written by New York-based couples' mediator Laurie Puhn.
Happy New Year!
