  Tanya Enberg unearthed this guide among her mother's belongings. |
Growing up, my mom talked to me about a lot of things.
After my family moved to a new city, she eased my concerns when the Grade 2 girls at my new school weren't particularly inviting and, at age 8, helped me overcome my fears of flinging my body around at gymnastics camp.
Later, as I matured, we talked friendship, boys, school and possible dream jobs. What we never discussed — not even once — was the birds and the bees.
It wasn't until after my mom passed away suddenly in 1997 that I discovered a secret world of hers, by way of a small paperback book with thin, fragile pages, stored among her more personal belongings.
On Becoming a Woman was written for young women, published back in 1959, when the cover price was 35 cents. The book's binding is barely intact and most of the pages have fallen out.
With Mother's Day approaching, I decided to take another look at this well-worn, facts-of-life gem that reflects the mainstream psyche and views about sexuality at the time.
If my mom were alive today, we'd probably laugh over the nuggets of wisdom that would've seemed juicy and relevant back then, but are wildly outdated today.
Still, in a progressive twist, the book's author advises girls to meet lots of boys before settling down.
"Going steady ties you up, down, and it knots," claims one passage.
"It means you're supposed to be as faithful to one person as if you were married. The meeting of new boys, and the growing that goes with the meeting, are not experienced by you."
Oh, but wait a second. Within the pages belies the real reason for not going steady - those tempting bedroom shenanigans.
"Go steady and you may be in trouble," it grimly warns. "You'll be alone with one boy a lot of the time. After a while, you'll run out of words," warns a chapter entitled, All About Love.
No words? That's like getting smacked with writer's block, only worse!
"Closeness leads to necking and necking can lead to more serious lovemaking and keeping the situation under control grows tougher and tougher."
Ah. Right. Gotcha.
Yes girls, don't let the school ring fool you; a boy is a very different beast.
"A boy is aroused or stirred physically by a great many things: His body is designed that way. He can be stimulated by such indirect things as smell or sight. Even an intangible thing like a dream has the power to arouse his sex organs and physical release."
To play it safe, readers are advised to avoid the danger zone. One word - petting.
"The boy you're petting with is aroused faster and loses control faster. His need for physical release is stronger than his concern for you. If you're petting ... you're playing with fire."
While the author understands the urgency of hooking up, what with the very real risk of becoming an Old Maid and all, one mustn't sweat it.
After all, girls, like pretty flowers, must sit back and hope to be picked.
"Girls have to be chosen; they can't ask the boys. Even when a couple breaks up, the boy has the easier time. He can go right out and phone somebody else, while the girl is forced into retirement, and the hope that some other boy will come along to rescue her soon."
Now, should a gal get rescued and eventually engaged, well she'd best bust out that apron.
It's during this period that "She learns to cook, he learns to carve," explains one snippet.
Like a turkey? Wood ornaments? A pumpkin?
Oh ... cave walls. That must be it.
Wife-styles of the '50s:
"Every husband wants a wife who's a combination of Marilyn Monroe, Fanny Farmer and Florence Nightingale."
"What about the skills you need for marriage - cooking, sewing and so forth? These skills are vital to the healthy marriage."
"It is more important to develop a good attitude about homemaking than it is to learn how to be the best housekeeper in the world. Dust under the rug isn't a fatal blow to marriage, but a nagging, whiny, complaining attitude toward everything about housework is. If you can learn to do household tasks cheerfully, you'll have come a long way toward being prepared for marriage. Remember that next time you're asked to do the dishes!"
Words of wisdom:
"A recent investigation disclosed that the divorce rate was six times higher in marriages where both husband and wife were under 21 than in marriages where the couples were over 31."
"Remember that freedom is a beautiful thing when you're young. Marriage is an even more beautiful thing ... so don't spoil your chances of a good one by taking a reckless leap."
"Love isn't sex, though sex is important, and anyone who says it's not just isn't being realistic. A physical response is often mistaken for the whole of love, and people who marry for this reason are left bewildered when their passion fades."
(From On Becoming a Woman, Dell Publishing)
