  "Carve out time everyday to spend time together, even if it is just 15 minutes. Share at least three appreciations (compliments) with your partner a day," says Dr. Laura Berman, Oprah's sex educator. (Shutterstock.com) |
Once you're on Oprah, well, it's all over.
Actually, it's just beginning - the fame, money and demand on one's time - and life as it once was is over.
Yes, there is regular life, and then there's life after Oprah.
The contagious buzz that immediately follows whenever the talk show queen puts her name behind something has proved so powerful it's come to be known as The Oprah Effect.
And such a thing happened to Dr. Laura Berman, the fun-loving, Chicago-based sex educator and therapist who has turned the subject of sex -- which historically has caused couples the world over blush and squirm -- into something light-hearted and approachable during her regular appearances on Oprah's Friday Live series.
The juicy afternoon instalments saw everything from the G-spot to self pleasure getting airtime on mainstream TV, while turning Berman into household name on a scale that only the Oprah Show is able to do.
Needless to say, Berman is a gal is in big demand.
But, with her latest release, The Book of Love, Berman - who has never before done a Canadian interview - took some time to offer greater insight into the guidebook she hopes will help couples achieve greater emotional, sexual and romantic fulfilment.
"I wanted to write a sex and relationship book that spoke to couples and not just women," explains the director of the Berman Centre, which specializes in sexual health and therapy.
"After all, men are one-half of the equation!"
Visually erotic, playful and highly engaging, The Book of Love proves again Berman's knack for taking fear and embarrassment out of the bedroom equation.
For instance, if you're a pair who's forgotten how to flirt, Berman will have you batting those eyelashes and casting a wink in no time.
"It’s so important for your partner to feel attractive and desired, and vice versa," she stresses.
"Flirting works both ways — it makes you feel good about yourself and it makes your partner feel hot as well. It tends to fall by the wayside as people get into a groove or get comfortable with each other, but it’s easy to bring it back. When you are on dates, don’t talk about the kids or errands. Act like when you were first together -- compliment her appearance, go somewhere romantic, hold open doors (and) hold hands."
Berman tackles everything from household chores, finances and kids to creating emotional honesty, building eroticism and maintaining passion.
"You have to make your relationship a priority," she says.
"Carve out time everyday to spend time together, even if it is just 15 minutes. Share at least three appreciations (compliments) with your partner a day. Be in the moment and don’t postpone happiness or togetherness for some future date that might not ever arrive. Even a Tuesday night can be special."
While Berman acknowledges modern couples can be time-strapped, she says ranking a relationship high on the priority list gives it the opportunity to grow, thrive and deepen.
"Everyone has time for their relationship," she insists.
"And if you don’t, you need to make changes so that you do. You are the one who has to decide what comes first - your career or your relationships. You don’t have to have sex for hours every night. But you should have time to connect with your partner every day, and time to be intimate every week. If that means getting a babysitter or hiring a cleaning service to help with the chores, it’s worth it."
Couple time:
Whether you're trying a new recipe together or launching a pillow fight, find the time to have fun together. * Keep in mind the importance of quality over quantity. Being in the same room doesn't mean you're spending quality time with one another. Quality time means actively engaging and focusing on one another, so no, watching TV doesn't count.
Schedule date nights at least once or twice a month and find common interests that will improve quality time together. Whether you're playing a game of tennis, cycling or visiting art galleries, shared activities will help build greater understanding of each other.
Stress busters:
Stress releases cortisol in the brain, which is the chemical that creates our fight or flight response. You can, however, reduce stress naturally and cheaply.
- Get regular exercise to boost feel-good endorphins in the brain
- Maximize your vacation time by taking all your alloted days
- Remove household clutter and chaos. A crowded or disorganized home can increase stress. Get busy de-cluttering your space and turn your bedroom into a relaxing sanctuary while you're at it with the help of candles, soft sheets and plush pillows
- Make sweet love. Sure, it feels good, but don't overlook the valuable benefits of orgasm, such as the release of oxytocin and other endorphins that are soothing to the body and mind
Source: The Book of Love (DK Publishing)
