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 As many relationships increasingly move toward a more egalitarian model, whose job it is to wash up the dishes can be the cause of great household strife. (Shutterstock.com) |
It might've smelled of passive aggressiveness, but when a friend launched a bold house cleaning rebellion, her course of action was highly original, to say the least.
Tired of facing the daily build-up of dark whisker shavings and toothpaste splatters in the bathroom sink, the 35-year-old rolled up her sleeves and got to work with some elbow grease and a soppy sponge.
Scrubbing the sink sparkly clean, surely her boyfriend would notice, she thought. After all, she'd left one side -- a line straight down the midle -- in its mucky, insufferable state and the other, brightly polished and completely grime free.
As she was describing her sink retaliation, I couldn't help but admire her creativity, but when her long-term, live-in boyfriend failed to notice, she grew even more agitated about the whiskers and toothpaste still lining the sink.
Unlike past generations when the division of labour was clear (he went off and earned the bacon, while she stayed home, tending to children, cooking and cleaning), the lines can be rather blurry for modern couples.
As many relationships increasingly move toward a more egalitarian model, whose job it is to wash up the dishes, fold the laundry and sweep the floors is debatable. And this, in itself, can be the cause of great household strife.
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While Canadian men will have to imagine how they might've scored in an Oxford University study that explored your best bet for getting married in a comparison of 12 developed countries, this much is certain -- if you want to get hitched, warming up to the bucket and mop could improve your chances.
Turns out it doesn't much matter that you're an irresistibly handsome sex god that could leave a gal's knees shaking for days. If you won't get down and dirty in the bathtub, you may not have long-term potential.
In fact, both men and women said they are more likely to want a live-in relationship if they think their partner will do a share of the housework and childcare duties, the findings show.
Women living in less egalitarian countries are between 20% and 50% less likely to be living with a man compared to women living in more egalitarian countries.
The reason, explains the study's author Dr Almudena Sevilla-Sanz, a researcher at Oxford University, has to do with differing views on so-called traditional roles.
"This study shows that in egalitarian countries, there is less social stigma attached to men doing what was traditionally women's work," says Sevilla-Sanz.
Topping the egalitarian list are Norway and Sweden, followed by Great Britain, and then the United States
The results are based on the responses of 13,500 men and women between the ages of 20 and 45 years old regarding their views on gender, housework and childcare responsibilities.
At the bottom of the list are Japan, Germany, and Austria, with Australia rated the least egalitarian.
One woman learned about the importance of sharing of domestic chores the hard way.
After six months of dating, the 27-year-old decided to move in with her boyfriend. Problem was, she'd overlooked some major warning signs, such as the fact her new housemate had never lived on his own before.
With his mother still doing his laundry and cooking his meals, he was ill-prepared for the rude awakening that was about to happen -- the end of a rather plush and spoiled existence.
It wasn't long after their move-in date when rusty patches began to appear.
"I'd leave early on a Saturday, be gone all day, and when I'd get back he'd be in the same position playing video games," she says.
"He wouldn't wash the dishes that he used ... he wouldn't have done anything, and I got bloody tired of asking him to."
After several months of tirelessly pleading, she threw in the towel and asked him to move out.
While she's heartbroken, she's also relieved.
"I love him dearly, but I want an equal," she says.
"That's not how I imagined my life to be, and I just knew it was never going to work."
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NEED A DOMESTIC CHECK-UP?
With mounting to-do lists and chores to take care of, life sure can get gritty, and nobody wants to be stuck carrying the bulk of the workload.
If your relationship is less than equal on the domestic front, it's time to divide and conquer.
With the rising rates of two-income households, there's a greater demand for couples to share household responsibilities than ever before.
Certainly dividing duties won't always result in perfect equality, you can reach a higher level of fairness by jotting down the regular tasks that must be attended to and splitting them based on each another's unique skill set.
For example, he's a laundry-folding pro and she's an impeccable lawn groomer, dividing up jobs based on your skills showcases your domestic strengths, while you both contribute to making a happier and healthier home.
Keep in mind that the rules of fairness are constantly evolving, so when a major change occurs and the workload increases -- like bringing a new baby home -- you'll need to reevaluate your original agreements.
tanya.enberg@sunmedia.ca