  We tapped big-city bartenders (plus two bartenders-turned-dating authors) for their expert dish on pick-up tactics. (Shutterstock.com)
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Striking out in the pick-up department despite heroic efforts? Need some counsel from the pros? Look no more.
We tapped big-city bartenders (plus two bartenders-turned-dating authors) for their expert dish on pick-up tactics: what works, what gets the laugh and what'll go down in flames.
Liz, Los Angeles
"Just outside the door, some guy is trying to chat up a girl, and tells her he's the heir of some wealthy family and has 'more money than God.' Obviously she's skeptical... to the point, in fact, where she says she wants to see his ID. Shockingly, he actually hands it over -- it's in the little plastic holder in his wallet. As she's looking at it, a bum walks by and asks if anyone has a dollar to spare.
"She says...'Well, if you've got more money than God, then you don't mind if I do THIS, right?' And she takes all the money out of the guy's wallet and gives it to the bum, who says 'Thank you!' and disappears as fast as he can. The girl bats her eyelashes at the horrified big-talker, hands him his wallet and heads back inside. He leaves a few minutes later."
Moral of the Story: Don't boast. Or in other words, don't sell yourself so outrageously that people will ask to see backup data.
Liz adds, "It's true, the size of your billfold might matter to a lot of ladies. But even so, if you immediately start bragging about it, you'll look like a jerk -- and there's always that one girl out there who will call you on it."
Bryan, Los Angeles
"When I worked in the business district, we'd get packs of after-work corporate-type guys who would hit on every single girl at the bar and basically chase all the women away. Four different guys would come in and, together, they'd work every female. One guy would buy drinks for a group of girls on his friend's tab, and then play the 'wingman' and tell his friend, 'Go try those girls, I just bought them drinks.' It was an obvious example of quantity over quality... and it never worked because the girls would invariably catch on. At the end of the night, four guys would have been putting everything on one guy's tab, and he would start screaming, 'How did you make me drink this much?' And I'd be like, 'Your friend bought drinks for every single woman in this bar.'"
Moral of the Story: Where to begin? For starters, have a little class, please. For seconds, give ladies some credit for being savvy about the pick-up. It'll save you a lot of grief. And finally... know who's piggy-backing on your tab, OBVIOUSLY.
Bryan says, "My own personal line that I used when I was younger, not when I was bartending, was 'I hear you like cheese.' Yeah, it's silly, but you filter out people with no sense of humor immediately. And I wasn't always trying to get into someone's pants. That's the difference between being in New York city and being in a bar in any other place in the world in the world. In other places, people don't necessarily want to get action, they just want to talk."
Marianna, San Francisco
"One guy was a writer, and he wrote a story on me. And I'm actually going out with him this weekend. So, yeah, that worked but most attempts to hit on me or the customers are pretty lame. But there have been times where people have said the most outrageous things and because they were clever, I didn't get angry. I still didn't go out with them, but you know...
"I actually had someone ask me the other night, 'How do I pick up on girls at bars, anyway?' I thought that was pretty smart in itself, actually, because he got me talking to him and in the process got tips on what to do and not do."
Moral of the Story: If you're clever, you can get away with a lot. But if you've got time and energy to have a genuine conversation and do "follow-up," your chances increase exponentially.
Marianna says, "I think the key is to not hit on someone too blatantly. Be funny, don't be too direct and try to come back more than once -- maybe a week later or something."
Dushan Zaric, NYC, co-author of You Didn't Hear It from Us: Two Bartenders Serve Women the Truth About Men, Making an Impression and Getting What You Want
"At Hero in New York, two girls were standing just outside a roped-off VIP area. Two guys came up and said, 'Let us buy you drinks.' The girls said no thanks a bunch of times, but the guys wouldn't leave them alone, and finally they said 'OK, fine, buy us drinks.' Then, once the drinks arrived, the girls stepped into the roped-off side of the VIP section. The guys tried to follow and the girls were like, 'Nope, you can't come in.'"
Moral of the Story: If you buy a girl a drink, you're doing it as a gesture. Expect nothing from it. Do it through the bartender with the girl's permission. And don't insist if she doesn't want it.
Dushan says, "Almost every guy thinks that if he buys a girl a drink, he's entitled to get something out of it. And that is just bass-ackward. Then there are the times when he sends me over with a drink and the girl politely declines (probably because she knows what he's thinking) and I tell him, and he's like, 'What a bitch!' And I'm thinking, Why? She didn't do anything!"
Jason Kosmas, NYC, co-author of You Didn't Hear It from Us: Two Bartenders Serve Women the Truth About Men, Making an Impression and Getting What You Want
"One time a woman and a guy started talking. I know him -- he's a nice guy, a writer. She's really good looking, she broke the ice, introduced herself... and then she immediately asked, 'So what do you do?' in the same tone as someone might say, 'Do you have a piece of gum?'
"He said, 'I don't do anything.' She said, 'Oh, you're freelance.' He said 'Yeah.' She said 'Oh! So you're unemployed.' He said, 'Happily unemployed.' And then he said, 'So, Brooke! What do you do?' She said, 'I'm a model.' And he said... 'OH! So you're unemployed!'
Moral of the Story: It can be a little tactless to ask someone right off the bat what they do. But a lot of times, in the bars, that's the first thing a woman asks. If you're trying to get to know someone, don't ask superficial questions or yes/no questions. Ask questions that will open up conversation.
Jason says, "Don't ask, 'What's your favorite (book/movie/restaurant)' because that'll put pressure on and they'll blank. Instead ask, 'What was the last place you went, last book you read,' and so on."
A useful tidbit from Jason: "I always say, 'Avoid the guys that travel in packs.' The dynamic is different. They're trying to impress the pack and be the alpha male. It has nothing to do with impressing you as a woman."
