  Experts say water is necessary to help your body get rid of fat. (Comstock)
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One morning, I glanced in the mirror and realized I looked like hell. For most of my life, I've been a reasonably attractive person without putting much thought into it. I've always had nice hair, decent skin, good teeth. I'm tall and reasonably fit without worrying about what I eat.
But in the middle of a junk food diet, haphazard skincare and constant work deadlines, I'd apparently misplaced my looks.
The gradual decline snuck up on me so slowly that I didn't even notice until it was almost too late. I dragged myself over to the television studio to do my weekly dating segment, feeling frumpy, and who do I meet in the green room but Teresa Tapp, a 50-year-old fitness guru who, at nearly 15 years my senior, looks way better than I do. Better body. Better skin. But Teresa tells me that my body can look just like hers in 15 minutes a day.
I'm sold and ready for the Beauty Boot Camp Experiment. I figure if I'm going to do an all-out overhaul on my body, I might as well try to improve the rest of me as well. And thus, the 30-day Beauty Boot Camp was born. I decided I'd try any diet, any regimen, any product that promised results in 30 days.
Here is my story:
Day 1
I'm kicking off my Beauty Boot Camp (BBC) with a new diet and a new exercise routine: First, the Man-Made/God-Made diet (on the GM days you can only eat natural foods, on the MM days you can eat whatever crap you want.) This will be my second-toughest challenge, since I've never been on a diet before in my life.
My biggest challenge is that I'm going to give up Coke, known around my house as "the fluid of life." This is something I've tried many times before and failed at. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Exercise experts tell me that I don't drink enough water (now there's a news flash) which is necessary to help your body get rid of fat. To figure out how much you need, you should divide your weight in half and drink that number of ounces of water per day. So a 100-pound person needs 50 ounces or 1.5 litres of water. My number works out to about 4.25 bottles of water per day, so I decide to round up and drink five bottles a day.
And just like Granny, I'll also be soaking in Epsom salt baths three times a week. Apparently Epsom salts are nature's Prozac: relieving stress (which is believed to cause belly fat) and helping to increase serotonin, a mood-elevating chemical within the brain. My logic here is that if I can increase my serotonin levels in the bathtub, I won't have to eat a massive bag of M&Ms to make it through the afternoon. We'll see.
Finally, I'll be taking Alfalfa supplements and using a technique called skin brushing to help keep myself cellulite-free. The skin brushing takes about seven minutes from toe to head, and I'm surprised to find it quite relaxing.
7:32 pm: So far so good on the MM/GM eating plan, but I must speed-drink another 3 bottles of water to make my quota for the day.
Have discovered that iced green tea is a suitable substitute for Coke caffeine-wise but I still miss the sugar.
10:52 pm I REALLY miss the sugar. Must go to bed, or I won't get my 8.5 hours of sleep. I may not anyway, since speed-drinking five bottles of water has me in need of a potty break every 15 minutes. Note to self: try to drink water a little earlier in the day...
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 8 hours
Water: Approximately 80 oz
Green Tea: 2 cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: T-Tapp Basic Program (15 minutes), 30-minute walk
Epsom salts bath: 40 minutes
Day 2
Did the T-Tapp Primary Back Stretch before my walk today (a regular activity for me before I write -- helps get me focused) and when I got back home I was sweating like a pig. T-Tapp claims the stretch gets you burning fat in half the time. I'm not sure if it's that or the 87 gallons of water I drank yesterday.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 7.5 hours
Water: Approximately 75 oz.
Green Tea: 3 cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: T-Tapp Basic Program (15 minutes), 45-minute walk
Epsom salts bath: 40 minutes
Day 3
After a run-in with the yard man, I ate a S'more (marshmallow, chocolate, graham cracker, like at camp...) So I've blown my GM food day. Will try to behave the rest of the day. I'm shocked at how much more water I drink if I just open a bottle and set it next to my computer.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 7 hours
Water: Approximately 80 oz.
Green Tea: 3 Cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: T-Tapp Basic Program (15 minutes)
Epsom salts bath: 20 minutes
Day three without Coke -- a miracle, I think. Who knew? I saw my trainer today (who has known me for a year) and she said she's never seen my skin look so fantastic. Amazing, since I won't start the skincare routine until tonight. Must be all the water.
Holy Smokes! A miracle has happened. The forehead crinkles I've had since I was 20 are disappearing. A visible difference. The fountain of youth? It's plain 'ol water, people.
Day 4
My Man-Made/God-Made food plan is failing miserably. Correction: I am failing miserably. By three in the afternoon I am craving chocolate. My revised GM/MM plan is to be au natural for breakfast and lunch, eat what I want for dinner but no fast food and no Coke for the entire 30 days. I have never gone 30 whole days without Coke before -- my longest record is two weeks.
I tried the Susan Lucci Youthful Essence Skincare this evening -- basically it's a microdermabrasion kit for the masses. There's a cleanser (which smells a little like baby shampoo), a resurfacing cream (sort of a gritty, sandy cream) and a vibrating thing with a variety of attachments -- like a soft brush and a sponge. After using it, my face feels pretty dry, but also very soft. It looks very pink, like a sunburn. The vibrating thing does not rotate, it just vibrates. I use the tool as directed, but I'm not quite sure what its purpose is.
Afterwards, I try Perricone Prescription skin care. It is a five-step process in the morning, four steps at night. It feels like a lot of work but hey, beauty is pain.
I also go to bed with a product called Frownies, which have been used by wrinkle-free starlets since the 1930s. Rene Russo swears by them (At $19 a box, this may be the beauty find of the century). Basically, you spread your forehead wrinkles apart with your fingers and stick on a skin-colored piece of tape to let your skin relax as you sleep.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 8 hours
Water: Approximately 80 oz.
Green Tea: 3 Cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: T-Tapp Basic Program part 2 (30 minutes), 40-minute walk
Skin care: Youthful Essence Cleansing/Resurfacing; Perricone Cleanser/Eye Treatment/Moisturizer;Frownies pads
Day 5
I have a headache today, which is usually the first thing that makes me reach for a Coke. I am having green tea (iced) instead, with some cinnamon. According to anti-aging guru Dr. Perricone, cinnamon stabilizes your blood sugar. Hoping this will work -- I am starting to crave a nice Coca-Cola.
4 pm and headache is still going strong. Are chocolate chips the answer? Still avoiding Coke -- how much longer can I stand it?
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 8 hours
Water: Approximately 80 oz.
Green Tea: 3 Cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: T-Tapp Basic Program part 2 (30 minutes), 40-minute walk
Skin care: Perricone Cleanser/Eye Treatment/Moisturizer;Frownies pads
Day 9
I am on deadline for my new book Fifteen Minutes of Shame this month and my column today, and it's starting to hit me that my Beauty Boot Camp is sucking about an hour and 45 minutes out of my day. Every day. How do people do this? How do supermodels even have time to work?
In looking at my blog, I see I've not been getting nearly as much sleep as I'd hoped. Studies show that for every extra hour of sleep you get, you eat 100 fewer calories (apparently because you see fewer late-night TV ads for food). As I'm reading this, I see a hamburger ad pop up on TV which gives me a craving for fries. (So far, so good, no fast food since this has started.) Maybe the solution isn't more sleep, but less TV? This week will be sort of crazy but I'm hoping I can get back on track sleep-wise by the weekend.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 7 hours
Water: Approximately 80 oz.
Green Tea: 2 Cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: :30 minute walk, :15 minute T-Tapp Workout
Skin care: Perricone Cleanser/Eye Treatment/Moisturizer; Frownies pads
Day 11
Rhonda the T-Tapp trainer visits my house today to make sure I'm doing the exercises properly. So far, so good. She's 50 and she has a rockin' body most 20 year-olds would envy. Fifty. I vow to be just like Rhonda when I grow up.
Rhonda teaches me to utilize T-Tapp techniques while doing my regular walk, walking on the balls of my feet and sort of straightening my back leg with each step. I feel a little like Frankenstein (stiff legs and all) and am exhausted before even making it around the block. I can definitely feel it working my muscles but decide I'll probably stick to my old way of walking. I walk to clear my head, think through ideas, basically move my body to get my brain in gear, and as I am not a person who can walk and chew gum at the same time, I can hardly be expected to manage walking, thinking AND keeping my body flexed, tightened and tensed. Still, after just one trip around the block, I can see how it would really work.
My pal Lisa McLeod in Atlanta is doing the Beauty Boot Camp with me, but started five days earlier. She hit her two-week mark today, met up with the T-Tapp trainer and learned she's lost an inch off her waist. She can't believe it -- before our little BBC she was working out four-to-five times a week (yoga, pilates, trainer) but had sort of plateaued. After two weeks, she's spending less time exercising with better results. (She misses her yoga class, though. She finds it hard to motivate herself to work out without the structure of a class.) I am keeping my fingers crossed that when I get measured next week, I'll have similar results. I certainly feel stronger and leaner.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 7 hours
Water: Approximately 90 oz.
Green Tea: 2 Cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: :10 minute walk, :30 minute T-Tapp Workout
Skin care: Perricone Cleanser/Eye Treatment/Moisturizer; Frownies pads
Day 13
I'm exhausted for some reason and it's freezing outside. I force myself to walk for 30 minutes and call it a day, exercise-wise. I steer clear of Coke, but find myself eating a nutritious lunch of Cheetos and chocolates while I write. I feel sick.
I have to stay up late (and then get up extra early) baking a cake (don't ask) for my TV segment tomorrow.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 6 hours (Ugh!)
Water: Approximately 80 oz.
Green Tea: 1 Cup
Exercise: None
Skin care: Perricone Cleanser/Eye Treatment/Moisturizer;Frownies pads
Day 14
Judgment day is here. My trainer drops by in the morning to measure my body. Amazing news! Despite the fact that I have not adhered to much of a diet plan -- I've cut out Coke and fast food, but that's it -- the T-Tapp workout has trimmed an amazing 1.5 inches from my waist in just two weeks. T-Tapp is the greatest invention since chocolate éclairs.
Tonight I'm trying LipFusion XL, a product designed to plump up my lips while I sleep. It's odd and feels a little like wearing lip gloss to bed.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 6 hours
Water: Approximately 80 oz.
Green Tea: 1/2 Cup
Skin Brushing
Exercise: :10 minute walk, :30 minute T-Tapp Workout
Skin care: Youthful Essence Cleansing/Resurfacing; Perricone Cleanser/Eye Treatment/Moisturizer; Frownies pads
Day 18
I add two new skin care regimens to my already-crowded day. First, the Nova Skin Care system which is a tool that uses magnets and vibration to improve skin texture and color. Neodymium magnets apparently create thousands of movements per use, in all directions to release impurities and deliver moisture, nutrients and anti-aging benefits. Each cycle (resurface, clean and moisturize) takes a few minutes, and the whole process is about seven minutes all together, plus an extra three because I have to remove my makeup before I clean my face with the Nova tool.
The second skin care tool is the RejuvaWand, which looks a lot like a light-up bedroom toy. Vibration massage and photobiostimulation with LED (light) are supposed to help skin regenerate itself and take in nutrients, promising to flatten wrinkles and leave skin looking younger.
The light area on the RejuvaWand is only about one inch in diameter, so I have to go through about 20 two-minute cycles to cover my entire face. By the time Grey's Anatomy is finished, I'm done, but I'm not sure I'm dedicated enough to keep this up on a regular basis.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 8 hours
Water: Approximately 80 oz.
Green Tea: 2 Cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: :20 minute walk, :45 minute T-Tapp Workout
Skin care: Nova Skin Care system; Perricone Cleanser/Eye Treatment/Moisturizer; Frownies pads; RejuvaWand treatment
Day 21
I have noticed lately that my teeth aren't as white as they used to be. I meet with Dr. Jill Morris of World Class Dentistry (http://www.sarasotadentist.com/) and ask for her recommendations. Dr. Morris is not only one of the top cosmetic dentists in the country, she also looks like a supermodel. Morris tells me, "For the best results, the old-fashioned whitening trays make the biggest impact." I'd heard about Zoom Whitening on TV makeover shows, but many cosmetic dentists believe the results are not as long-lasting. I opt for whitening trays and she tells me I'll see whiter teeth in five to seven days.
Today's Treatments:
Amount of sleep: 7.5 hours
Water: Approximately 80 oz.
Green Tea: 2 Cups
Skin Brushing
Exercise: :20 minute walk, :45 minute T-Tapp Workout
Skin care: Nova Skin Care system; Perricone Cleanser/Eye Treatment/Moisturizer; Frownies pads
Day 23
It is not possible to add one more beauty treatment to my now two-and-a-half-hour program. Looking in the mirror, I can see a difference, but part of me can't wait for the 30 days to be up. I don't know that I have the stamina to be this beautiful.
Day 28
Taa-daa! My Beauty Boot Camp is done. I have my final body measurement, and I have indeed lost FOUR INCHES off my waist. I am in shock since I didn't really diet. I lost two sizes in 30 days, as promised.
I have to say, I do look fabulous. My skin looks better than it has in ages, my lips are fuller, my teeth are sparkling and my body is lean. But it takes a lot of work. And it can take a lot of money.
While all of the products I used were good, and most gave me some sort of visible result, there is no way a normal person with a life and a job could (or should!) spend this kind of time on personal appearance.
So now that my 30 days of beauty are over, here are the products I found most helpful, the ones that gave me the biggest 30-day improvement, the ones I will continue to use:
The T-Tapp exercise program, five bottles of water a day, sleep (!), the Nova Skin Care system, Perricone skin care, teeth whitening a couple of times a year, Epsom salt baths (I take a bath every night anyway) and the Frownies. All of that works out to about one hour a day (15 minutes of skin care, plus 45 minutes of exercise) which is manageable.
What I learned from this process is that I don't want to spend two hours of my day looking in the mirror, checking to see if my forehead wrinkles have changed since the day before. By the end of the month, I was sick of myself.
So the answer to the question is yes, you can become hotter in 30 days. But think about it first: you may not want to.
