Western culture is obsessed with two subjects: sex and celebrities. When those two subjects merge everyone wants to know the juice, no matter how high-minded they pretend to be.
Just look at the supermarket tabloid business. Every magazine seems to have the same story and yet they all manage to remain in business. How? In the words of the great Depeche Mode, when it comes to celebrity sex scandals, we just can't get enough. In our ongoing effort to pander to the lowest common denominator, we bring you the sexual peccadilloes of celebrities. Some are alleged, some are confirmed, and some may be nothing but idle gossip. It doesn't matter; we just want the dirty dish.
Of course, no mention of celebrities and sex would be complete without mentioning a "lost" sex tape. Perhaps the most absurd of these tapes is the one filmed by former Creed frontman Scott Stapp, featuring himself, Kid Rock and several female fans on Rock's tour bus.
God fearing, bible-thumping Stapp was mortified when the tape found its way to the market and suggested that someone was trying to derail his solo career. Rock had this to say about Stapp: "He's the idiot because (the tape is) out... I'm holding him responsible." Memo to Kid Rock: you're an idiot for hanging out with Scott Stapp. Memo to Scott Stapp: your solo career will last about as long as your relationship with the girls on the bus. For more "lost" sex-tape scandals, see also Pamela Anderson/Bret Michaels and Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee, Vince Neil and Paris Hilton.
How many dates do you go on with someone before you have sex with them... on a plane... that they own? If you're Jane Fonda, the answer is 'less than a handful.' On one of her first dates with media mogul and CNN founder, Ted Turner, he said the nine words that all the ladies love to hear, "Are you a member of the mile-high club?" According to Fonda, "Suddenly this couch turns into a bed. ‘Fun and games,' he said... And so I joined the mile-high club." Fonda also revealed in her memoir, My Life So Far that she and first husband, filmmaker Roger Vadim had threesomes which she (Fonda) orchestrated. Beats a Viet Nam protest any day.
Strangely, not a member of the mile-high club is goth/shock rocker, Marilyn Manson. Although Manson was happy to tell Playboy Magazine "I've jacked off on airplanes plenty of times." Thanks Marilyn... my fear of flying just got a little worse.
Leave it to the younger generation of celebrities to use technology to their advantage. Kate Beckinsale, star of Underworld, who already takes up her fair share of Internet bandwidth, uses webcams to put on risqué shows for her husband, director Len Wiseman. In her words: "We use webcams while we're apart. He gives me orders as to what outfit I should wear." The director/actor relationship continues even when they're apart.
Also into dress-up and role-playing are Catherine Zeta-Jones and the luckiest 62-year-old-man on earth: Michael Douglas. According to Douglas "You close your eyes once in a while, put on a Richard Burton accent maybe... it gives a little variety." Douglas, who was long rumored to have been a sex addict, also says that he likes to see Zeta-Jones dressed up as a nurse.
Pretty boy actor Stephen Dorff has mentioned how, as a youngster, he took great pleasure in wearing women's clothes and watching women put on makeup. As he puts it, "Since I was a young boy, I always loved watching ladies get ready. I figure I would have been gay or asexual, if I didn't want women the way I do." Not that there's anything wrong with that!
Speaking of pretty boys (if you find pit-bull breeders attractive), British soccer star Wayne Rooney should get a yellow card for his extra-marital affairs. According to the always reliable British press, Rooney habitually used the services of ladies in houses of ill-repute. One of the many ladies on his long list of sex substitutes was a young-ish grandmother! Rooney gets the red card for being dim enough to sign autographs for his ladies of the night, making the evidence indisputable.
Also on the whorehouse visitation list is crooner and Rat Pack member Dean Martin. No big surprise right? The only shocker is that this info comes from FBI surveillance papers that suggest that Dino may also have been gay. Oh, the horror.
Too shy to pull the trigger on using a male prostitute was Desperate Housewives star, Teri Hatcher. The onetime "most downloaded woman on the Internet" said that she considered paying for it after going for four years without sex. Four years! However, Hatcher still managed to pull the trigger on enjoying herself without the company of a Deuce Bigalow type. As she puts it, "I don't know what I need a man for -- I've some fabulous electronics to use instead."
What does the coolest man on earth do in the sack? According to his ex-girlfriend, Karen Mayo-Chandler, Jack Nicholson likes it kinky. "He's a nonstop sex machine," she says. "He's into fun and games... like spanking, handcuffs, whips and Polaroid pictures." She adds that he likes to eat peanut butter in bed "to keep his strength up." The ultra-dishy book, You'll Never Make Love In This Town Again (ostensibly written by four Tinsel Town tarts in the know) alleges that Nicholson wasn't averse to the odd golden shower (giving, not receiving).
Real/Rumored Sexcapades: (Dis)Honorable Mentions:
- Richard Gere and the "gerbil incident"
- INXS singer Michael Hutchence's death by alleged autoerotic asphyxia
- R. Kelly videotaping/urinating on young girls
- Danny Bonaduce and the cross-dressing prostitute
- Eddie Murphy and the cross-dressing prostitute
- Hugh Grant and the regular prostitute
- George Michael's "lewd act" in an L.A. public toilet
- Bill Clinton and All the President's Women
