Whether you’re single, in a slump or starting something new, keep the ‘s-word’ in mind, says Matthew Hussey.
The relationship expert behind the book, company and tour all titled ‘Get the Guy’ is reaching out to singles – women in particular ¬– about what they can do to find, get and keep the guy they want. The ‘s-word’ stands for more than a start – he says it’s for standards.
“The most dangerous point of any interaction is when you decide you really like a guy,” says Hussey, who served as a matchmaker on the show ‘Ready for Love’. “The moment you decide you really like him is the moment you start bending over backwards to please him and the problem with that is a guy is going to be attracted to your standards, not how much you go out of your way to compromise for him.”
With that wanting-to-please mindset, women lose the guy in the early stages because they over-invest in someone who doesn’t invest in them, Hussey says. Even when you’ve set your standards in the dating game, at times there can be rejection, but this doesn’t mean the end of the road for your love life and you shouldn’t act that way either.
“It’s about understanding what you want and being prepared to go for it,” Hussey says. “Even the most attractive people get rejected, you cannot avoid it. Just because I get rejected doesn’t mean that I’m a loser, if I get rejected it means I’m trying. ”
Rejection is an obvious fear for singles and coupled alike but what they may forget about is regret. Whether it’s not approaching the guy you’ve had your eye on for some time or telling your current partner you need changes, not opening up could be the biggest downfall, says Hussey.
“The most dangerous thing about regret is that you don’t feel it yet,” Hussey says. “If you understand that concept and live it, you won’t avoid taking that risk – find a bigger fear than the one that you have right now.”
When it comes to finding that special someone or keeping them, there are simple rules to follow; ditch the excuses and be proactive, Hussey advises. Be open and curious about meeting people and don’t play the waiting game, expecting them to come to you. Don’t forget to create and build: While many are eager and ready to do this in the ‘flirtation’ stage to get something going, people forget to work on it when they land the relationship.
“Remember that the thing that attracted someone to you in the first place was a unique combination of characteristics that you demonstrated ... You can’t just give up on a bunch because you feel comfortable,” Hussey says. On top of getting your right look and acing your conversation game, know your direction.
“When you know your standards, you have a compass for every decision you make in your love life,” Hussey says. “You always know where north is and if the guy is not in alignment with that you communicate it to him.”