  Threesomes can go sour if one person plays favourites. (Comstock) |
Two's company but three isn't necessarily a crowd when it comes to graciously including sidekicks in couple activities.
Look around and it appears there are an increasing number of third wheels tagging along on "dates" at movies, parties and restaurants with their paired-of pals.
You'll see women hauling their fabulous friends along with their fellas, their fabulous friend sans date.
The reason: There are just no single men anymore. They've gone the way of acid washed jeans and half-hour sitcoms.
According to a survey conducted by Child and Family Canada, only 44% of women over the age of 35 will remarry compared to 68% of men of the same age group.
This leaves a sizeable number of single, successful, busy, fulfilled, perfect women, naturally, and no Colin Firth to take them out for a nice steak dinner.
Take my friend Jane for instance, a single mom of three. Jane is beautiful, vivacious, fun and always up for a laugh. Her house remains almost eerily clean even when she is throwing up from the stomach flu - a trait everyone should be looking for in a mate.
Yet a mate she can't seem to find. Despite many trips to the grocery store at Happy Hour - between five o'clock and six, apparently - and three attempts at online dating.
"Lately, it doesn't really seem worth the effort," she says. "I'd much rather just go out to dinner with friends. And all of my friends are married so I might as well get used to hanging out with the husband too, right?"
Samantha is a nurse practitioner in her late 30s. Her husband died a few years ago, leaving her a young widow with two teenagers.
And a house that needed renovation. Samantha was — is — not ready for any dates at all, even Colin Firth.
She hadn't really had any single friends since before her marriage and found herself eventually wanting to do things, sans kids. Go to the movies, the beach, Hawaii.
Enter Jeff and Wanda. They are her dates on almost every weekend.
Jeff hangs her new pictures and fixes her leaky faucet and plays football with her teenaged son in their backyard. Wanda makes her tea and forces her to get up and brush her teeth even when she doesn't feel like it and invites her to all of her couple-y dinners even when she says she'll refuse to go. It's what they do.
We had a chat recently about being the third wheel — about the delicate balance between fun and trust.
"Sometimes I'm worried I'll rely too heavily on them," she told me. "Or that they'll get tired of lugging me around with them one day."
Not so, according to Bonnie and Mike, a couple married 15 years with two preteens at home. They have many single friends, more like fifth and seventh wheels.
Some might even call them the pros in the biz.
When asked whether they get tired of having an extra female at the dinner table all the time, Mike's response was, "No way, in some ways it's easier. Because with a couple you're stuck if you don't like the guy and the women go off and do their own thing. But when it's just one person you both get along with, it's a lot more fun."
Not all third wheels out there are women.
Take Dan, a habitual non-dater in his early 30s. Dan is what I like to call a Professional Groomsman. He has been in more wedding parties than I can remember. And he's given more speeches, raised more toasts and kissed more brides than he knows what to do with.
Dan doesn't date — no one really knows why. I suppose that's his business. But he is very switched on to the world of the third wheel. He knows how to be charming. He flatters women and includes them in his conversation.
Possibly most importantly, Dan is willing to get up and boogey down when no other man will. He has found his 'in.'
That's something all great third wheels need to find. Whether you are a great cook, splendid cocktail mixer, sparkling conversationalist or sympathetic listener, a third wheel really needs to bring something delicious to the table.
A list of Do's and Don't's to help you navigate the delicate waters of being a great third wheel:
DON'T take sides in any of their couple fights. Or, if you must, secretly take your friend's side but say nothing when you're with the two of them.
DO remember to give them their space, offer to babysit every once in a while to give them some alone time.
DON'T hang out with any couple if you get along better with the man than the woman. You don't want to be THAT kind of third wheel, now, do you?
DO feel comfortable to ask your "shared" fella for some manly help around the house — as long as you've okayed it with his main squeeze first.
DON'T accept invitations for nights such as Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve or anniversaries. Your friends will tell you differently, but it is so completely a pity invitation.
DO keep your friends close even when Colin Firth has FINALLY knocked on your door with roses and champagne.
DON'T forget to allow your single friend to tag along with you and Colin. What goes around, comes around!
