It's a jungle out there. In dating, it used to be men were the aggressors and the woman's role was to flirt coyly and play hard-to-get. Not any more.
Women -- especially the older, divorced variety -- are pursuing their prey with wild abandon, lining up in droves at local hotspots to snag a bite. And there's no shortage of men willing to give these ladies what they're looking for.
"The older divorced woman is in demand," said Cary Paul, owner of the Palomino Club on Portage Avenue. "We know that younger men in their 20s want women in their 30s and 40s. I don't know if it's an Oedipus complex or they think they can learn something, or maybe it's because they know it's not going to evolve into an emotional bond."
Oedipus Complex
The Oedipus complex is a Freudian term that refers to a childhood developmental stage in which boys desire the exclusive love of their mother.
Paul said he sees lots of young men swooning for the attention of older women and it's common to see hook-ups or relationships blossom between women and men who are 10 or 15 years their junior.
Long before Demi Moore made it fashionable to date younger men, cougars -- a term of endearment to describe older women who date younger men -- have been in vogue at the Palomino Club, Paul added.
The bar has long been prime terrain for cougars, hosting Yummy Mummy and Boy Toy contests and promoting itself as the venue of choice for the older woman. "There's lots of older women who want to try their hand with younger men," said Paul.
Bill Faryon, a 39-year-old serial dater who spoke to Sun Media at the Palomino Club, said older women are not only more aggressive but they're also selective.
"Older women know what they want. They know their bodies and know what feels good," said Faryon.
He said sex with older, experienced women can be intimidating and there's a lot of pressure to perform well.
"Guys are ... scared. You never want a reputation for not being good," he said. "When we're having sex with a girl, guys are just as body-conscious as girls. We just don't say it."
Faryon said the increasingly selective nature of single women has forced him to be more attentive to them and has pushed his grooming regime to a new level.
"We have to talk more like women, we have to dress better, we have to shave parts of our bodies we never used to, we've always got to care what we look like," he said.
Antonio Lupinetti, a man in his mid-20s who also attends the Palomino events, said he's also dated "quite a few" older women.
Lupinetti said men tend to be more open about age differences in relationships, whether a woman is older or younger.
"With men, I don't hear much complaining about age of any kind. But a lot of women won't date younger men ever," he said. "Everyone will find their mate, it doesn't matter what age."
Lianne Tregobov, owner of Camelot Introductions, said older single women are empowered and don't need to settle for second-best. "Women nowadays want someone who will complement their life, as opposed to take care of their life," said Tregobov.
'That's wonderful'
The matchmaking professional said the trend of older women dating younger men is alive and well in Winnipeg.
"There are lots more women going for the younger man -- five years and younger than her -- and that's wonderful," said Tregobov. "When you get to be in your 40s, who cares what society thinks? And if you're still concerned (about meeting societal expectation) than you've got a lot of work to do on yourself."
Faryon said the aggressive nature and increased number of cougars on the market has provided competition for younger women, making them more aggressive in their pursuits as well.
"They're crazy aggressive," said Faryon, adding he's frequently approached by younger women looking to "hook up." For example, Faryon said he was shocked one night at the Palomino when a 19-year-old woman he had just met whispered something naughty in his ear and invited him to the parking lot.
"I'm in a world I don't want to be in," said Faryon, with a mischievous tone in his voice that belied his words.
Expanding the definition
While National Geographic and Merriam-Webster may still define a cougar as a tawny-brown cat on the verge of extinction, in many circles a cougar is an entirely different creature.
Winnipeg Sun reporters went on the prowl and sought out several cougars and cougar hunters to find out what this species is all about.
We found that cougars -- women who have tossed aside the traditional rule book for romance and date younger men -- are mostly classy, adventurous and experienced women who feel empowered and sexually liberated.
It seems that men are equally impressed with this cultural phenomenon. However, as with most things, there is an ugly side.
In this three-part series, the Sun exposes the glamourous, the fun and the downright nasty aspects of cougardom.
