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Bad men behaving badly
By JOANNE RICHARD, Special to The Sun


IN HIS PERSONAL LIVES, and sometimes on screen, actor Russell Crowe has projected a womanizing, devil-may-care attitude.

Beware -- there are good guys behaving badly and bad guys who are just plain bad. Check out Wexler's list to discover the behaviours and traits to be wary of in a relationship partner. These will help you distinguish good-hearted men from dangerous ones -- then run, don't walk, to the nearest exit:

  • Displays unpredictable moods
  • Does something scary and then says he was just kidding
  • Blames you when things go wrong
  • Gets bored and restless easily
  • Plays mind games
  • Has a pattern of affairs or deception
  • Acts possessive and controlling
  • Has a history of violence in relationships
  • Threatens to hurt you, himself or others
  • Has a history of criminal behaviour
  • Lies chronically

    TIPS FOR GOOD MEN

    Here are Dr. David Wexler's tips on connecting and "becoming less phobic about some of the emotions experienced in relationships:"

    1.Think of the changes that you are being called upon to make as actions of "real men" and "relational heroes." Think about this in men's language like "taking charge," becoming powerful," and being "captain of your own ship."

    2. Take personal responsibility. You are not a victim of a bad childhood, life stress, or a nagging girlfriend. Real men don't make excuses.

    3. Learn to tolerate distress. Feeling bad is not necessarily a cause for escape, avoidance, or immediate corrective action.

    4. Be very careful how you describe the events in your relationships. Take responsibility for your moods. Just because you feel injured or self-doubting does not necessarily mean your partner has tried to make you feel that way.

    5. Even when you have done something destructive in a relationship (even withdrawing emotionally), you are still a "good man behaving badly." Build the good man part while you analyze and correct the behaving badly part.

    6. Pay attention to your possibly excessive attachment to the "look of love."

    7. Keep a running list of times when you are tempted to act badly in a relationship, but instead find a different way.

    8. Do whatever you can to let the other key people in your relationships (partners and children) know you believe in them and appreciate what they are going through -- even if you do not always like their actions.

    9. Take a chance. Talk to other men.

    10. Be a responsible leader and bystander. Don't laugh and implicitly approve of other men who mistreat women or children.