DEAR AMY: I am a married woman with a family. I am also caring for my elderly father, who is staying with us during his recovery from various ailments. My husband and I have not been intimate in a while.
During the week we both work, in addition to our other responsibilities. This past Sunday my dad's friend offered to take my dad out for a few hours, giving us the opportunity to go somewhere with the kids, to have fun and relax.
I waited around all day. It was not until we were ready to sit down at the table for dinner that my husband finally said, "Where was it that you wanted to go?" By then it was too late and I was exhausted.
Whenever I ask my husband to do something with me, he says, "After the game." Then it's tennis, golf or some movie that he has to see. It seems as though there is never time for just us -- we hardly leave the house on the weekends. When I try to talk to him about it, he tells me I'm nagging. I've tried to be patient, but I have needs too -- and he doesn't seem to care.
Do you have any suggestions? I'm ready to leave. -- Frustrated Mom
DEAR FRUSTRATED: There is nothing more enervating and exhausting than being a caretaker in the sandwich generation. Your husband is treating you like a piece of baloney at the centre of that sandwich -- he is not being a good or thoughtful partner.
My first suggestion is that you should leave. By leave, I mean that you should at least leave the house (not necessarily the marriage). You should not wait around for an entire day in hopes that your husband might finally decide that he is ready to go somewhere with you.
Ideally, you should each have some time alone each week to recharge and refresh. (Your local office on aging can help arrange for occasional interim care for your father.) And -- as unromantic as this may sound -- you two should schedule at least one night a week when you concentrate on connecting intimately as a couple.
The best time to communicate is not when the clock is ticking, but when you're relatively relaxed. Ultimately, you are responsible for doing your best to get what you need -- your husband seems to have mastered this, and I suggest you do the same.Follow @CanoeLifestyle