Today’s father is more active in the day-to-day routine of his child’s life. Many dads will change diapers, cook a few meals, spend time watching Dora, stroll to the park and even admit this all to his friends. But has this made him an equal parent or just a helpful babysitter?

“Dads volunteer to do things, but often it’s under the role of helping or sharing but not total responsibility. They don’t feel the guilt. They don’t carry the burden all the time,” says University of Toronto Professor Linda M. Cameron, who teaches a number of parenting courses, workshops and offers family counselling.

She agrees things have changed over the years in terms of roles expected of men, but that more change is needed. “I think the changes that have been made are helpful,” she says. “But we still have a long way to go.”

University of Toronto Psychology Professor Joan Grusec agrees men have taken more roles, but feels the lack of responsibility may not be entirely on the man’s shoulders. “Women are reluctant to give up being in charge,” she says. “A friend of mine who studies gender division in household work points out that if a male is going to clean the bathroom you have to accept his standards rather than impose your own.”

So does this mean dads should try to take on more of the female responsibilities around the home? No, says Cameron. She says the key is to make every member of the family feel responsible, even the children. “Role reversal doesn’t help much if women start doing what men do and men do what women do that’s silly…kids don’t have a whole lot of responsibility anymore, we used to have kids do the dishes, now the dishwasher does that, or hang the clothes, but now the dryer takes care of that, kids are not assuming as many family responsibilities as before.”

Instead of making up a list that makes one person solely responsible for a particular chore, Cameron says building a sense of responsibility and helping each other when needed is more important. “I think moms and dads should both decide in the household what they really like to do and do well, and they should honour that as a collaborative relationship.”

While it is important for each member to feel a sense of responsibility for the family, parents do have an important role in the family. “Children have to be loved and accepted and they also have to be guided and helped to learn how to get along with society,” says Grusec.

Having parents to love and teach you is important, according to Cameron, but in particular, she says some of the greatest strides in fatherhood have come in positive role modelling.

“The modelling of the father in reading and being interested and involved with the kids, that’s where progress has been the greatest,” she says. “Dads are involved in kids education and playing with them more and being engaged as a person and emotionally with the kids.

“First of all, having a relationship with the father helps with security and the sense of being connected. Seeing a dad read for a boy is important in particular, role modeling other than sports matters,” says Cameron.

Perhaps, the greatest role fathers can play in their child’s lives is to teach them love. “The best thing a dad could give his kids is to love his mother. If kids see parents in a good relationship they feel fulfilled, they feel secured. It’s a great stress for kids to see parents fighting. If parents keep their relationship strong, it just anchors their kids.”

Grusec agrees. “What children need is a loving parent.” And the best way approach is usually the one you are most familiar with. “Where we learn most from being a parent is from ourselves being parented,” explains Grusec. “Books are great sure, but thinking about your own child rearing experiences, what was good and what was not so good is one really major source of how we learn to parent. Think about how our own experiences have had an impact on us.”

Dads have come a long way from simply putting food on the table, and of course further strides can be taken in the parenting journey, but a loving and compassionate father is surely one on the right path.